Changing my body hasn't once saved me
In recovery, I realized that my body is not and has never been the problem
Hello! This week we’re talking about blaming our bodies for everything.
For most of my life, I believed that my body was wrong and that changing my body would save me.
In recovery, I realized that my body is not and has never been the problem. My negative feelings were not there not because my body was flawed. They were there because I’m human. The only mistake I was making was trying to solve every negative feeling I had by changing my body.
Feeling stressed? Change your body.
Feeling lonely? Change your body.
Feeling depressed? Change your body.
I didn’t make this up. It was taught to me by a towering stack of teen and women’s magazines that educated me from the 1980s to the 2010s, when I stopped subscribing to them (hello, Instagram!). These magazines explicitly and implicitly taught me that no matter what my problem was, I could do something with my body to make it better.
No matter what my problem was, there was always a diet or exercise program to help me stop feeling bad about myself and get everything I’ve ever wanted. Month in and month out, these magazines promised me that I could have the perfect life if I just followed their 10-step program to a so-called perfect body.
In recovery, I’ve realized that nothing could be farther from the truth. You see, I followed every 10-step program. I lost weight. I went to the gym. I walked all the steps, ate all the kale, and drank all the water. I exceeded all the guidelines for what they promised would be a happy, carefree life. And I was miserable.
Changing my body hasn't once saved me. It didn’t make me happy and carefree. When I looked around, I saw that the people like me who were diligently over exercising and gingerly dipping their forks in salad dressing served on the side were also miserable. We were living flavorless, empty lives. As we munched on tasteless iceberg lettuce to supposedly fill up our stomachs, our lives became increasingly flavorless.
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